Focus on influence

Focus on influence not control

posted in: Contentment | 0

How often do you spend time and energy obsessing over things that, ultimately, you can’t control?  Think about that for a minute.  Every time you start to worry about something, take a moment to notice if it’s something you can control or if it’s something you’re just really attached to because you want a certain outcome.


I am the first person to admit that I have –how shall we say – some control issues.  Over the years these have made my life pretty miserable and it took me a long (REALLY long!) time to come to terms with the fact that there are some things that I can’t control that still irritate the daylights out of me.  It’s been through taking a hard look at myself, my habits, my mental patterns, and what’s truly important to me to realize that using my time and energy focusing only on those things I can influence is much more rewarding than getting all bent out of shape around things I can’t actually control.


The beautiful thing is that once you shift from a mindset of control to influence, you get to choose how to develop that influence.  If you want to influence someone or something, you can choose to do it through a variety of means – intimidation, coercion, or fear, or through integrity, character, and authenticity.  By being able to decide how and what to influence, you decide where to focus your time and energy thereby giving you more of an influence in your own life.


So take some time today to think about how you can shift from a mindset of control to influence and consider the following:

  • How can you use influence to benefit you and others?
  • How can shifting from a mindset of control to influence help you feel more content?
  • How are others using their influence and what does that look and feel like? Are they using fear, coercion, or intimidation – or are they using character, integrity and authenticity?
  • Choose one person you admire and think about how you can model how they use influence.